Something has shifted in my house. I don’t know if it’s a diet thing, or the fact that water is falling from the sky (rain is not something we’re used to here in Los Angeles), but for some mysterious reason my kids have started waking up between 5:30 and 6am and it is seriously affecting my writing time.
Precious Writing Time
In case you’re new to the blog, I get up at 5am every morning to write before the kids stir. I am working so hard to finish my first novel. Early morning is my precious, quiet writing time.
But for the past eight or nine mornings I’ve gotten only about fifteen minutes of quiet before I hear the pitter pat of a child coming down the hall. The door cracks open and in comes one of my little beauties. After a good-morning hug I get her settled into the arm chair to read and I refocus. Then, just as I’m getting back into the groove, I hear the boy approaching, less pitter-pat, more thunk, thunk, thunk.
The dog barks (she always barks for the boy), breaking the silence I had so tenuously held onto until then. The boy’s not reading on his own yet, but I can usually distract him by getting him set up with a math game on the computer. Then, foolishly, I try to focus again on my writing.
Mom, listen to this. It’s so funny.
Mom, it’s not working.
Mom, the dog is chewing on my sock.
Mom, I’m hungry.
Finally, near tears, I give up and start my day.
This morning I wrote all of 100 words. Something has to change.
What’s a Mom to Do?
I know I could just lock the door. I’ve heard a lot of writers say they do, but it feels cold. As impatient as I feel, I know this is precious time. In a few years, I will have to drag them from their beds to get ready for school. There’s a part of me that loves how they gravitate to me when they wake up. Their little hugs are, quite simply, the best.
But another part of me really can’t wait a few years for some quiet, uninterrupted writing time. I know there are other moms out there who are dealing, or have dealt with, this kind of thing. Do I wait it out? Do I lock the door? Do I bribe them to go wake their dad instead? Help!
Any and all advice is much appreciated.
My children are grown now. When they were small I was a single parent who studied for college classes until midnight and woke at 5am to get ready before I woke them and got them ready. It was a rough time, and I was sick a lot. You mentioned a significant other in the article – perhaps they could distract the children while you write? Otherwise, everyone else’s suggestion to keep things on hand for them to do or watch while you write will help a little, but their questions and need to talk to YOU will still be there. As they age, they should start respecting your writing time better, but for now…
Thank you Susan. I do have a significant other, and he is tremendously supportive. I can’t imagine trying to write as a single parent. Your story is inspiring, because if you can make it work, I have no excuse.
April,
Your post embodies my entire writing career. I have been writing with my kids in the room since they were born. I joke about it now, but I used to strap my daughter into a baby bjorn and sit at the desk and type while she wiggled. Nowadays I have a cup of crayons and a stack of discarded drafts for her to color if she gets up too early. It happens all the time, and there are days where I completely loose it because that time is SOOO precious, but then I remember they are SOOO precious too.
Here is the thing, over the years I have been able to teach my kids to respect my writing time. Yes it took years (not months or weeks as I wish it had), and yes they still interrupt me on occasion, but by reminding them of what I am doing each morning they have slowly learned. My daughter, now 5, gets up and plays quietly until she really needs something (usually food, but sometimes a snuggle). She is content to come and sit next to me and draw pictures for a few minutes so I can finish a paragraph, or better yet a page. Regardless, she knows my time at the desk is important AND she knows that she is important and loved too.
Long story short, keep at it. It will get easier.
Great post. See you at 5am.
I love this. You’ve found such a wonderful balance between making time to respect your writing and making sure your kids know they are loved and can come to you. This is what I am striving for. It sounds like I just need to keep trying. They are starting to get the idea. I’ve even been surprised a few times to think they were still asleep and find one of them snuggled up to their dad in our bed. Over and over, parenting teaches patience, doesn’t it? Thanks for the kind encouragement, Ralph.
I usually have some kind of distraction prepared. My youngest is 9 and my oldest is 10. For one it’s a stack of paper and a box of crayons, or whatever he is currently creating with. For the other, it’s the iPad and a question. This way they are invited into my space to create something and will still feel like they have my attention. Like you said, these years will be gone too soon (for me the days are dwindling fast). some days I admit I get nothing done while they are with me, but others we each sit quietly and work. This coming summer they want to go to starbucks with me. One for lemonade and the other for fancy bottled water.
My oldest is 9, the younger is 6. I love the idea of bringing them into the room and giving them a task, though I’m guessing it will work better with the 9 year old. The Starbucks date sounds fun.
April, thanks for this great post. I wish I had fail-proof advice, but my kids are constantly evolving and switching things up.
Getting up early is mostly how I make time to write. And staying up late. And using the time while my kids are doing their homework to write. And taking a laptop or notebook to a coffee shop while I wait to pick them up from scouts or sports.
One other thing that’s also helped is to share my writing process with my kids (my husband already gets it because he’s a writer, so we tag team for each other). I say: “Here’s the book I’m working revising/writing/outlining. Here’s who I’m querying. Here’s the request I’m responding to.” It’s good for them to see me working, to understand what I do, and also to be invested.
I wish I could remember where I read this, but I saw somewhere an author who said writing is a family business because it requires the cooperation and support of the whole family. I’d never thought of it that way before, but I really tried to take it to heart in how I present what I do to my family. I strive for transparency with my failures, successes, and all the grit and toil in between.
And now I don’t just hear, “Mom, are you STILL on the computer???” It’s, “Hey Mom, which book are you working on?”
Thank you, Katherine, for such a thoughtful response. I don’t really share what I’m working on, and it might really change the conversation if I did. My kids both love books (not like they really had a choice), and they know I’m a writer, but we don’t really talk about it past that. I think it’s time I changed that.
My best advice is to set up a routine, like a daily half hour of TV time, and ONLY use it when you plan to write, with the deal being that they only get that precious half hour if they promise not to interrupt.
But if I’m honest, what helps me the most is a gym membership to a gym that has childcare included, and a lobby with tables. I drop the kids off at the childcare area then plop myself down in the lobby for an hour and write up a storm.
It’s tough, though, and I feel you. I wrote a blog post recently with some suggestions if you’d like to read it: http://www.ekthiede.com/2016/11/05/writing-while-parenting/
That’s brilliant. We have a family YMCA membership, and the thought had crossed my mind that it’s pretty awesome to have on-demand child care like that. They don’t even seem to care if you leave the kids for a few hours. Maybe I could get a quick run on the treadmill AND an hour to write. And the bribery idea is a good one too. Thanks for chiming in! And I bookmarked your blog. It’s nice to meet you!
It’s a phase. It will pass. And then it might pop up again. It’s rough though. I always dream of an uninterrupted cup of coffee in the morning. One where I am not juggling making breakfast, feeding the cat and helping my son take off his diaper. Then again I am not willing to wake up at 5 am. You are way ahead of the game. Keep up the good work.
Thanks, Summer. I’m sure some day, when we’re having our quiet cup of coffee, we will miss these days…
I am so with you. Consider embracing interruption. I think it makes you stronger. I wrote a piece about it. It’s on my website.
Thank, Sarah,
Can you shoot me the url for the post? I’d like to read it.