I got a rough rejection last week. In truth, it was just a rejection, empirically not any better or worse than the dozens of others I’ve gotten so far this year. In fact, it was actually a pretty nice rejection, informing me that I had made the waiting list for this particular writing retreat, and they liked my writing, but it was a rejection all the same. It stung. It’s got me thinking about what I’m aiming at, as a writer. What does this elusive “success” look like, anyway? Will I even know it when I get there?
What Success Looks Like
When we’re engaged in such a subjective pursuit, how do we decide what success looks like? As writers, we’re always writing and we’re always judged by our latest work. Some will be good (hopefully) and some will likely be not so good.
Would I have been satisfied with my writing career if I had gotten into this writing retreat? No. I know that. Doesn’t mean there weren’t a few tears. Will I be satisfied once I find an agent, get published, get a great review in the LA Times? Probably not, because I’ll already be thinking about what’s next.
In buddhism we call this the hungry ghost. There will never be enough accolades, enough money, enough publishing deals to make us feel like we have arrived where we want to be. And that’s okay. I think dissatisfaction is actually an important part of an artistic life, because it drives us to always try harder, to dig deeper, but it can also go too far.
Making My Own Satisfaction
Because I only have this one life, and I don’t want to spend it being constantly dissatisfied.
I have time to write. My husband and I make enough money to pay our bills and go on vacation now and then. We spend time with our kids. We have a life full of friends and family. It reminds me of that moment in Almost Famous when the boy is stressing and he says to the girl “I need to go home” and she says:
When will I be a successful writer? When I decided I am a successful writer. This is what success looks like.
I am home.
So I will carry on. I will finish writing this book, and then I will write another, because I have stories to tell. When I get too caught up in these invented mile markers I’ll come back to this post and remind myself that I write because I love to write. Anything else in my professional life (and I really do mean anything – from rejection #543 to a Nobel Prize) is just a distraction.
That we do. I am in the middle of a suck writing day but tomorrow is a new day.
Keep swinging. 🙂
I like to compare things to other things. That way my mind can make sense of it all. Yes, I have one of those kind of minds. In this case I have always compared writing with baseball. If I were a major leaguer I’d have great nights and not so great nights. On Tuesday I went 3 for 4 with a homer. On Wednesday I struck out three times and popped up with the bases loaded in the 9th. But those are small potatoes compared to the big picture: I’m playing.
For all of us the big picture is our writing. You got rejected. You struck out but you are writing. Wednesday was a bad day for our baseball player but Thursday’s another game. You too have your Thursday. You have the next game and that game is your work. Keep writing.
Thank you Bryan, that would seem a fitting metaphor. I read once that major leaguers don’t even remember their bad nights, that it’s a consistent characteristic of those who play at the top of their game. They just move on to the next game. So I’m already drafting my next submission. We just keep writing.