In addition to Talula Jones, there are six other main characters in my story, each loosely based on people I know. Throughout the semester Gina, my thesis advisor, said things like “so-in-so is such a great character,” and I would respond with “thanks, yes, he’s based on my friend from college.” Different versions of this conversation played out several times. These characters have the unique walks, patterns of speech and little quirks of their real-life counterparts. Then there’s Lu.
Of all my characters, Lu is the most amorphous in my mind. I thought this meant she was dynamic, but what I’m realizing is that she’s really more of a ghost. I know instinctively why she does what she does in the story, but I haven’t yet gotten it on the page.
Gina’s advice to me was to spend some time getting to know Talula, before I set out on any serious revisions on my first draft. So my “writing time” lately has consisted of me hunched over my journal, pen poised, mind adrift with thoughts of Lu.
I’m struggling to give myself permission to spend hours staring into space thinking. A little voice in my head keeps saying things like “that’s not work,” and “how many real pages did you write today? Oh that’s right – none.” It’s hard for me to embrace this part of the work as a totally valid, important part of the process. It feels like slacking.
It was a lot easier to feel like I was making progress when I could point to completed pages at the end of a day. Still, I’m not writing a ghost story. I need Talula to be real flesh and blood. Or else I need a new title.
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