Instead of writing this morning, I nursed, then made a bottle and spent about forty minutes trying to get the (too) little guy to eat more, then I pumped (yeah!) and then while he napped I called to get test results on his liver functions (not in yet), and find a pediatric cardiologist. Yes. The fun just doesn’t stop around here.
Not only is he too small for his age, but he seems to have developed a heart murmur. The doc said that with most kids it’s no big deal, but given that he’s had all these other troubles, it would be best to have it checked out. She also said that I need to get him to drink 8-10 ounces more a day, but armed as he is with his new teeth, he just clenches his jaw and won’t even let me put the bottle in his mouth. So I squirted the milk, drop by drop, into his cheek, at which point he let most of it roll down his chin (wasted breast milk actually IS worth crying over), but I’m optimistic that he swallowed an ounce or so. He’s just not hungry. I get it, but he needs to eat more.
So I’m feeling stressed. I’m managing to do the work that must be done, but everything that isn’t time sensitive is languishing, due to my complete lack of focus. In my head I keep looking forward in time for the inkling of a reprieve, but there simply is none. I’ll just keep on keeping on, and hope that some day I’ll once again have time to do some real writing.
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